he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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