just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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