Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize