I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
