you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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