I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
