Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
