no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
