we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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