Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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