$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize