If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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