He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
