talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
