Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
