everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
