I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize