I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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