I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
