My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
