hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
