i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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