fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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