Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
