She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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