i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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