This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
