You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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