4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
