how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
