Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
