I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
