Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
