I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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