so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
