Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
