so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
