I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize