So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
