I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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