Sry I called you an 8
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize