Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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