I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
