Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
