and you said cock pushups were impossible
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
