Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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