Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
