It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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