sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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