Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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