Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
