R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize