I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
