I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Are we still banned from the library?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
