I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
