When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
