he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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