yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
