something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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