Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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