Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
