They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
