She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
