My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So squirting runs in the family.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
