just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
