I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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