I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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