Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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