I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the condom got lost in my hair
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I could make wine with my vomit
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
