Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
