Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
