Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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