Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
