good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
