I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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