Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
