My liver just broke up with me...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize