I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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