just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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