My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
