Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
