The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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