You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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