I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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