Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
