I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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