Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
