my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
