and you said cock pushups were impossible
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a search helicopter?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
