someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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