Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
