someone threw a dead crab at me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
