I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize