my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
