so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
