I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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