She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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